Sometimes Allie Just Needs an Ally

“[M]y freshman year ended up with me rooming with four completely random girls in an apartment a mile away from campus…Things were awkward at first, but that’s to be expected, right? After a couple of months – realizing that I was not on the fast-track to a freshman marriage – I mentioned to one of my roommates that I thought I didn’t really like guys… my first verbal attempt at coming out (despite not being able to say the words ‘gay’, ‘lesbian’, or anything close to ‘I like girls’).

Well that half-hearted attempt turned into one of my worst nightmares. The roommate I shared that information with shared with my other three roommates. Those four girls went on to ruin my entire freshman year, and thus, my opinion on being LDS and gay…

During the remainder of my first year at college, I was reported to the all-so-famous Honor Code Office…. six times… by my roommates. Their allegations started out innocently – just reporting me for being gay and that they thought I liked them (that one’s a bit arrogant)… However, their later reporting was desperate lies to get rid of me (Such as claiming that I go through their underwear drawers when they’re not home…).

I ended up selling my contract, leaving early, and living the rest of the year with my aunt in orem…

Then something happened – One day, instead of a regular lecture, there were some guest speakers in my sociology class. Members from an organization called Understanding Same Gender Attraction, or USGA, came and talked to our class about their experience going to BYU and being gay… experiences that weren’t good… experiences that sounded like mine… but how their experience changed after finding the organization of USGA… how they found refuge in a group of people with the same experiences as them.

The next week (the last week of the fall semester), I attended the USGA meeting with Carly (which took every ounce of courage in my body to invite her to come with me- and included a mini panic attack before and after said invitation). Just walking into that room in the Provo City Library changed my life… I was immediately welcomed by President of the organization and others in the group. Honestly, today I can not tell you what the topic of discussion was that night at USGA, but what I do remember is that I smiled. I smiled. Allie, who still had a suicide plan in place for Valentine’s Day the following year, smiled for the first time in 10 months…

Sometimes Allie Just Needs and Ally


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